I have been thinking and I want you guys to know that not everything was easy in following God's voice and I don't always get it right all of the time. I have told a few people things that I thought I was hearing from God only to find out that it had been something that I had come up with, and some of the things seem really silly now that I think of it.
But what doesn't seem silly is the things that God wants Robert and I to do in the future...and this is something that I have battled with for a long time because honestly it seems to big for us...and something that I don't think I deserve to be chosen for....so naturally I question that I'm hearing God right and whether or not it's from Him.
However, this has led to an opening for Satan and I want to share with you some of the flawed logic that Satan can use to deceive us...and some of the logic he has tried on me.
The first one I'll share is when I was thinking about going to Mexico on a missions trip. I was doubting whether or not God wanted me to go and the pastor of the church I was visiting was talking about how not everyone is called to Missions....but he ended with this word [paraphrased]..."but if you think that you're being called into Missions follow it. God will stop you if he doesn't want you to go, but if you're only stopping because of doubt - know that doubt isn't from God, but from Satan. Satan wants you to doubt what God has told you, so you won't go. God doesn't need to get you to doubt because He will just tell you no if it's not where He wants you to go."
I don't know if I'm conveying this well enough, but basically doubt is the uncertainty of the truth...or to be afraid of doing the wrong thing...but God's perfect love drives out fear...and God is the truth. It's only Satan who would be trying to bring about the uncertainty of who God is.
So I'm trying not to doubt so much that this huge dream that God has given Robert and I is really from God...and just embrace it......which is really hard because I barely know the beginning of it yet.
The second flawed logic that I experienced from Satan was the dual lies that he has thrown at me...these are the kinda of lies that don't stand up to each other when you share them outloud...the ones that have a tendency of making you feel silly when you share them....
But my biggest worry is that I'm hearing my voice and not God's....so Satan decided to slip the phrase "schizophrenic with delusions of grandeur" into my mind...which in laymen's terms means that I hear voices & imagine myself as greater than I am.
However,
One of the other things I battle with is not feeling like I'm good enough for this dream...
So you tell me how I'm supposed to have delusions of grandeur when I can't even recognize why God would have called me to this- when I don't feel like I'm good enough?
This is an example of Satan's sneaky deceptions.
And another logical reason why I can be positive that this is from God:
I have been trying to throw this dream away because it has me constantly feeling like I'm not good enough -because there's so much growth that needs to happen before I'm capable of fulfilling it...and because I don't know if I'll ever be good enough to fulfill it...so I try to convince myself that it's from me because then I have the control to throw it away.
But I can't let go of it....for the last 6 months. I think if this was from me I would have easily been able to let go of this and walk away.
But God didn't let Moses walk away and hide out forever after he had killed the Egyptian...he could run and hide, but when it came time for his destiny to be fulfilled -God brought him back to where he needed to be to deliver the Israelites...
...and that's what I'm finding to be the case for this dream. God's not letting me walk away from it, but it His timing, He will use me as a vessel to do things I never imagined I would be capable of -because it will be God's power through me.
And that will be worth everything.
That's all for now friends,
Kate
