Moses and the Mount of [in]Security

In life we see people who have done great things and we assume that they are great people. That it was the people that make the deeds. However, this is not the case...I mean sure they are great people, but they themselves are not GREAT.

I found myself thinking when I was listening to a sermon about conquering insecurity and they were talking about how Moses is generally depicted as the 10 commandments guy or the parting of the Red Sea guy. And yes he was there for those things, but those identifiers belong to God.

The point of the sermon started with Moses' insecurities at the beginning of when God called him and how he needed Aaron's help to fulfill God's plans. But I'm not so sure that his insecurities ever went away.

I can picture Moses walking up Mount Sinai battling insecurities and doubts...you know the same ones that plague you when you have a new idea or are doing something new for God. But I think the thing that helped Moses through, or at least I'd like to think so because it's what has helped me through, is remembering the signs of the past. With Moses' insecurities, God never stopped giving him and the Israelites signs that this was God's will and that God was with him. I think when Moses was going up on the mountain he was thinking back to the burning bush, back to passover, back to the Red Sea, and then to his feasts on Manna...I think as Moses was trusting and being obedient to God, he was turning back to the signs and miracles in his times of insecurities.

And it's the same way with us today.

I think when we are feeling insecure about who God made or more specifically in my case -what He has called us to do. I think we need to keep trusting and obeying and reflect on the times that God has carried us through. The times that God has called us to obey and at the end of the day were a success. Those are our miracles that we can build our faith and security on.

So at the end of the day when you're feeling insecure...look down at your foundation because you better believe that when your foundation is the Lord -there's nothing more secure.

Prayer Drawing -Fear of community.

To me, this picture represents how I feel about community. I really don't know how to express the feelings that led to this picture, but the water droplet that is falling is a tear that comes down from my fear of opening up, to being vulnerable, and being an active part of community.

One of my strengths is the ability to help others open up and to be able to encourage them in what's going on in their life. One of my biggest weaknesses -allowing others to do the same for me.

When I think about doing that in my own life I always struggle with thinking about why the individual would care because it seems like a silly thing to tell them what's going on in my life. I always downsize how much it hurts me because I'm used to keeping things bottled inside. It may seem like I'm strong to keep things together, but it's a weakness in an inability to share what is going on inside of me.

However, I've found that as much as I want to keep things bottled up and hold on to them, I've found that what's in my heart still seems to leak out, just a little, but enough to give me hope that it's the right thing. In the times that I encourage others, and open myself up a little to encourage them, I find that I'm watering a little bit of the dry ground in my life.

So the dry ground represents the community in my life. The little sprout of life shows that it's not because the ground isn't fertile, but because I haven't watered it in my own life. I am trying to learn to water it with tears of happiness and tears of sadness. To let people into my life, into my insecurities, so they can lift me when I'm afraid or broken, and rejoice with me when there are blessings or accomplishments.

I'm learning -or hoping, that with the right community of love around me, I can learn how to open up and let other people help cultivate my life.

I hope that maybe my experience might give you the strength to do the same. Perhaps your issue isn't with community and opening up in general, maybe there's some small area that you're afraid to open up to others about, or opening up to God. You're holding on to your pain so tight that you're not allowing life to come out of your experience. Perhaps together we can learn to let go of our pain and just see what happens in our lives.

With the hope of having the strength to be "weak",
Kate

Prayer Drawing -Rocks of my faith

This was done during a period of silence from God. This picture is very symbolic as each thing represents the rocks of my faith that I hold on to when God doesn't seem as present as He normally does. The crosses obviously represent Christ as the rock of my salvation, and the mountain represents the upward battle of following Him. The pile of rocks represent the 12 stones that the Israelites took out of the Jordan River as reminders of the things that God had done for them. To me, this makes me remember the times that God has moved in my life -from the way that I met Robert, to my experience in the river, and the little things that God does throughout the week. And the gems on the ground represent the scriptures that give me comfort. I've always called the lesser known scriptures -the ones that aren't the overused "cliches"- the gems of the Bible. 

Throughout the time that I was working on this I really felt a connection to God even when I couldn't feel His presence or hear anything from Him. It's a reminder that when I don't understand the present and I don't know what's going to happen in the future, I can always lean on the past and know that God has been there for me and because He has I know He always will.

So I would urge you to think about what you set as the rocks of your faith. Try to reflect on it during your "mountain top" experiences when everything seems crystal clear and then write it down so you can remember it and encourage yourself when things don't seem to be going the way that you want them to. When you don't hear God and you don't know what He's doing...or when you're being attacked in your faith. 

Or even if you're not in a mountain top experience, try to think back to the things that God has done in your life, when He's made Himself known to you and try to remember the reactions that you had to that. Remember that God is the same today as He was then. He is the great I AM and if He's not blessing you, He's probably teaching you. 

Trust Him because above everything else, He's loving you.

Kate.