Public Speaking

So guys,

So I had 3 and a half presentations this week. And a miracle happened. During one of them I wasn't even nervous at all....well that was mainly because I wasn't actually presenting. I was doing the powerpoint for one of my friends. But it was the first time that I was actually in front of people and was completely at peace. This is a milestone for me my friends.

The other ones aren't really notable, except the fact that I did them. They were two psychology presentations at my school.

The last was one that I was super nervous about for all the semester and that was my private voice juries. This one is a major accomplishment for me...I'll be the first to admit that it wasn't the best. This was mainly because I was SO nervous that I shook and trilled the whole way through. However, I find this to be a huge accomplishment from the last time I sang in front of people...I was so nervous that I giggled the whole way through.

But I just wanted to share with you a bit of my journey, so that someday when hopefully i'm a proficient public speak ;) you'll know that it wasn't always the case...and you can do it too!

Insecurities and such

Hey guys,

Things are going pretty rough for me right now. I'm thinking about the future and what God wants me to do and I feel so inadequate. I keep trying not to think about it and just focus on the present, but I feel pretty inadequate there as well. Things aren't really peachy right now. I mean don't get me wrong, my life is far from where it has been, but we are all our own worst critics right?

I'm so scared about having to get up and do public speaking in front of people...and my life is going to be full of it. Big crowds. Little crowds. Hand mics...those ones that go around your ear... Some people are made for this kinda thing. I'm not. I'm more of a behind the scenes as far away from the spotlight as possible kinda girl. And for me to know that so many people are going to be watching me and listening to me in the future is really intimidating. Public speaking is a common fear, so I know there's plenty of you out there who are with me on this, but I just wish I wasn't afraid of 80% of my future career.

I feel like Moses when God told him His plan. Except, Moses got the option of Aaron....I don't get that luxury. So guys, I'm telling you, if I ever get good at public speaking it will be by the grace of God. It's going to be all Him because trust me, I can't do it.

As for the other stuff, soon that will be all over. Private voice is kicking my butt. I'm not meant to be a solo singer and I have to face juries in about 10 days...Juries is kinda a scary thing for people who are super good singers at my school and well...my vocal teacher said I'm not bad... :p Here's to hoping my G.P.A. doesn't drop over this "confidence booster".

And I'm going out on a limb and being all sorts of vulnerable (okay...not so much) with one of my teachers, doing meetings and stuff. And part of me thinks that she sees me as this psycho with these crazy dreams that I've worked up to get her attention (because I've told her a lot of what God has told me I'm going to do in the future). If that doesn't add an unknown element I don't know what does. So I'm always super nervous whenever we meet, and if there was ever something that makes me awkward -it would be nerves. So add the awkward to the vulnerability to the not knowing what she thinks of me to the fact that this is the first time I've opened up to someone about so much and I'm kinda an internal wreck.

Anyways, thanks for sticking with me through this blog post. I'm obviously not expecting a lot of encouragement because a lot of you will find this blog waaaaaaaay after the fact of many of these issues, but I just wanted to open up to you guys on a more vulnerable level and show you that God definitely qualifies the called and not the other way around because I do SO not feel qualified to be called to whats in store in the future.

Kate.

Soon

Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon.Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. Soon. 


Soon. This is the word that we've been hearing from God lately. Soon. Will be the transition from training to building. Soon. God will start speaking to us more and giving us more direction for our life. Soon. Robert will be graduating from college and getting a job by June. Soon. Soon. Soon. 

It's a little bit exciting, but as with everything....we don't exactly know what soon means with God. To God 1 day is like 1,000 years and 1,000 years is like a day. With that frame of time....what could soon mean?

Robert's graduating soon, but that's 1 month away. Hopes coming over soon, but that's 12 hours away. I get off work soon, but that's 1 hour and 1/2 away. 

There's no way to know exactly when soon is to God. Patience has to come with that answer, and when we know...we'll update....soon.

Until then, with patience and excitement,
Kate.

Prayer drawing: The hands of God and Adam.

          This is the first of my spiritual prayer drawings (yes I drew this!). This may be something a lot of you guys know about, but something I just learned about, and I really like it. I have found that there has been real power in the times that I am spending thinking about God and just letting my spirit pray.
          The other thing that I really like about it and what made me first try it when it was explained to me, is that it brings a new perspective to prayer. Instead of bringing a to-do list to God...it gets you praying about different things -more abstract things.


       This week I found myself thinking about how God reaches out to God and how I reach back to Him. This was really easy as it was Easter time...the ultimate God reaching out to mankind story. However, things began to get even more personal as the week went on....it was as if my week was following this reaching out theme.

       I have another post about how I'm going on a God-date with Robert. This is because God personally reached into my life and wants to celebrate my efforts as a wife and how I've stood by Robert's side during some hard times last semester. But God wants to celebrate something in my life. How crazy is that! It's a new way that I get to experience God. It's so cute. And it really brings me to look at God in a new way. It's not about rules and doing things. God wants a relationship with us, and like a parent, He wants to be celebrating our successes with us. God wants to be in on our community -in our life...not just us always striving for His... :)

        The next little story that I have has to do with one of my friend here at the college. We were having a random devotional life chat date and as usual God just blessed us with wonderful conversation. We were talking about where we were at with God and we were in the same place. We were both talking about how it seemed that God wasn't talking to us at the moment and how it didn't seem like we fit into the tradition explanations to why God was speaking to us (these generally are sin or that we weren't obedient to the last thing God called us to do).

         As we were talking we began to gain a new perspective on the situation. That perhaps it wasn't anything that we were doing wrong, but that we were just walking silently, side-by-side with the Lord, like two lovers who are completely content in the moment, just breathing it in. It's like when you get to that point in a relationship when you don't need to fill in the silences. When there aren't any directions needed for the future, no discipline needed -and you're just able to be content in each other's presence.

       So this week I would say that I've just gained some new perspectives on who God is and how He wants to relate in our lives. In a world where we are always being told we aren't enough...even in churches we are always being told the next spiritual thing to work on (listen to God, how to pray, etc) God is saying....just being with me is enough. Just spend time with me....no gimmicks, no three step plan to hear my voice, just simply spending time with me in relationship....it's taking it back to it's simplicity.

      I think we live in a world where we try to complicate and twist things. In America, we live in a society that says whoever is the most busy is the most important. We idolize church goers who volunteer for everything as the standard to live up to. But really, our relationship with God isn't about how much we tithe, how many hours a week we spend at church, or how much we are out there doing things for God....those are all missing the point.
 
       In any other relationship, it's not about how much we pay someone, how many hours we running errands for them...it's about spending time communicating with them...getting to know them...the heart to hearts. That's what God wants...He wants our lives to be a constant heart to heart with Him....so why are we complicating things?

God date part 1 (4-6-13)

SO, I'm currently getting ready for a God date....you may be wondering what that is...no it's not church. Really it's something completely new to me as well. You see God and Robert have been collaborating on a surprise date for me that's supposed to start in a couple hours and last all day.

CAN YOU SAY EXCITEMENT!


Okay, so you might be wondering how it all got started: A couple weeks ago God led Robert to the Proverbs 31 chapter -you know the one about being a Godly wife....apparently that's me. :) because God wanted Robert to tell me that He's proud of me (which is one thing coming from God and another thing coming from your husband)...it's already hard enough to grasp that God thinks I'm being a good wife -I mean His standards are pretty high....

But I guess God thought I needed some more encouragement, or rather Robert needed some teaching on spoiling me? I don't know, I don't pretend to understand God's motives. But He had Robert go on a God walk three different times and He has inspired Robert to make this super awesome date for me in order to spoil me :)

Well I have to get ready, so I'll update you when it's over!