God's test

I've been learning lately, that sometimes God likes to test people -or maybe just me? Seems like it has been happening to me a lot. God will ask me to do something -that may or may not make any sense- and it will generally have no "fruit". I'm not talking about the physical fruit, but having God tell you to go somewhere to talk to a person and they don't show up -some people would immediately jump to me not hearing God correctly, but I know it to be a test.

This is because I just got over a really massive test that showed me where my heart is -and it's not pretty enough to be on the cover of a valentine, that's for sure.

You know the whole clothes situation I've been writing about? Well part of that was a big test. Nothing to it. Just God checking my obedience and teaching me a lesson about how I view God and where I stand with Him.

The whole dunking myself in the river and giving away my clothes, in my understanding, was more than a test -it was symbolic of the new person I am in my relationship with Christ. This I hold to be true, as even in the last 2 weeks, my fundamental personality and focus has changed in line with the ministry God has called me to.

However,

Part of the clothes situation was a test. You see God didn't want me buying clothes to fill up my wardrobe for a week, is what I heard during the situation and He would provide me clothes. One of my closest friends "had just happened to be" cleaning out her closet and was planning to give me clothes at the exact time I needed them (I don't believe in coincidence friends). So I had clothes, but you bet when the week was up, I bought some of the things I felt was necessity -shorts, shoes, and few more shirts.

Then came the rough test that God put me through. He told me that I needed to give away or plainly could not keep the clothes I had just bought. This one really frustrated me because God wasn't just taking away my clothes, He was taking away my right to provide for myself -after the point when I thought I could.

I wish I could say I dealt with it well. I wish I could say -"I'll trust you God, You know more than I", but that was not the case. I had a really bad screaming fit at God -a temper tantrum of sorts. There was some more stuff that led into this, but really the main one for me was not being able to feel God during the whole clothes thing -except to hear Him say to get rid of my clothes. No other time could I feel His presence and guidance in my life like I normally do -and looking back on it, I think that was His purpose.

After my screaming match, God gave Robert a verse number to have Him look up, and it was the one where God stopped Abraham from sacrificing His son because He was looking for Abraham's obedience (how he'd react), not the death of His son. It soon came to light through this that I could keep the clothes and God was testing my reactions- to teach me the state of my heart.

It took me a while to be able to deal with failure. I'm sure if I knew it was a test -I would have passed. I'm still not so sure it was a pass or fail thing -or if God would have dragged ont he situation until I cracked to see how long I'd make it? I don't know if I'll ever know.

I did learn two things out of the situation:

1. My view and style of clothes has changed. I no longer look at people's clothing as I pass them on the sidewalk in the way that I used to. I was so worried about clothes and how I looked, that because I was focused on how I looked -I was focused on how others looked.

Now it's a different focus. I like to look nice, but I don't really care or notice the style. Now, I see people  in style and I don't find the need to go out and match the style. I simply think they look nice. I'm sure you girls will understand the difference. I found it's not about being in style, but being your style. There are still thinks that don't look right on different people or excellent on certain people, but I'm finding I'm caring more about the people than the clothes.

2. What my heart looks like with God. I feel like God purposely withdrew Himself from me to see how I would react outside of His presence -How I would react to Him. Honestly, I had a really hard time with obedience and I didn't know how I could trust Him when I didn't like what He was doing.

Generally with God I don't normally understand what He's doing, but it was never something that I would consider mean, or something I really didn't want to do. I generally don't have a problem doing weird, but found I have a hard time doing hard.

I learned I wasn't able to trust God when I didn't like God. And that's a big revelation. I don't have to know what God is doing, or where He is taking me, but I do need to learn to trust Him more.

Love is not a feeling. And likewise, I don't have to feel God to love Him. I don't have to feel like trusting Him to do so. I can't base my actions upon the feelings of the situation, but always have to put God's directions first, no matter how silly, mean, or simple they may appear.

In all this situation really did help to strengthen my relationship with God and my realization that God is above the situation. God does not answer to me, I answer to Him. This is something I thought I had already known. It was head knowledge, but not heart knowledge.

My actions in the situation did not say that God had more control than myself in my own life, and this my friends is what I am working on. -letting God have everything, even when it does not make sense to.

learning and loving,
Kate

God's words to me (8/22/12)

This morning, after my devotions, God told me He wasn't done with me. He told me that He has big plans for me, and that I can't compare myself with where others are with Him, not looking at those above or below me -just looking at Him.

God told me that He wants me to have an intimate relationship with Him. He wants me to be focused on Him, so we can be (actively being in relationship -not in proximity) together. He wants me to know that I don't have to be scared about where my walk will take me because in the future "it will be easier".  "It will be easier, not because the things will be less hard, but because your focus will be on Me. The more you focus on me, the less important these things will be become."

With my God I will be able to overcome whatever He asks me to give up and whatever persecution He asks me to endure. I will be able to live differently without comparing myself to others because I will be focused on Him. Nothing else will matter. Because of my focus, things will be easier to endure because I will be remade with the same Spirit that filled Jesus. The same spirit that empowered Him will empower me, and just as He endured the cross, I will be able to endure whatever comes my way. I have the Holy Spirit power within me, I just need to let it flow through me -and everything will stem from that.

And I receive it!

Peace & love,
Kate

A little dab 'll do ya.

This is a phrase I heard a lot growing up, and I'm sure you have to. It was generally said in reference to how much shampoo or toothpaste I would use. Today God used it to describe something so much more serious than that, sin or separation from God.

This morning (at 6:15am) God woke me up because He had something He wanted me to know, and apparently this is the only time I'd listen. But I'm going to be honest here, I haven't been acting the way I should in my new relationship with God -the whole being thing. On the scale of my old life I was fine, but I want something more, and God knew I needed help with that.

So this morning, again, I opened up to 1 Corinthians 5:6-8. I honestly have been going back to that passage a lot, and I think it's an important part of my new walk with Christ (mostly because He showed it to me). Anyways, God told me this morning that I have been holding resentment towards Him for having me get rid of my clothes. And it's true...not about all of my clothes, just the new ones I got that I was super excited about, but I'm learning that those aren't important, and aren't to be my focus.

Anyways, back to the resentment. Part of me was not ok with giving away my clothes -not fully. It was a huge thing to ask, and I was having a hard time just being with God after that because I didn't know what crazy thing God was going to ask me to do next. (and this-giving away all my clothes- is the big thing for me -for you it could be your music collection -or coffee, just to put it into perspective)

I have been focusing on what God will ask me to do, instead of who God is asking me to be. And these past few days have definitely not been as exciting without the saturation of His presence. But He couldn't saturate me as long as I was holding Him at arms length. He wanted to comfort me and be with me, but I was putting Him in time-out until I figured out how to handle the situation.

You see, a little dab of yeast -the yeast of my old self- permeating my bread caused separation between me and God. Just a little heart hint of resentment. Not enough for me to fully realize it, but enough to do the job -causing me to have a little rebellion from God.

Just a little dab 'll do ya.

Just a little yeast caused me to be away from my God. I don't want that to happen again. I don't try to say that I'm perfect at this lifestyle -this whole being in God and in His presence focusing on Him. Obviously, I'm not. However, I am excited about the possibility of the unleavened bread relationship. The one without any yeast, and that makes it worth it.

Being saturated in God is so worth it, and ANYTHING that takes me away from that is not worth my time.

-Kate Nowak

I serve a greater God!

I'm so excited that I serve a God who is active in my life and wants to know me! There is nothing in this world that could make me happier than to know that the God who is in control of everything, who made everything, and to whom nature obeys wants to know me personally!

In fact, He has already taken the time to get to know me personally. Yes, God knows everything, but He still chooses to be in intimate relationship to me. He knows everything about me, when I sleep when I'm awake! It's such a blessing and I'm honored that my God moves!

God is working so much in Robert and my life and I am amazed at how real of a God we have. We have the God who's presence moves in our lives. We have a God who stirs our hearts and gives us passions, who satisfies our every need!

We have a God who is greater than all circumstances because He created the universe in which they appear. He is greater than all our troubles and chaos because He is greater than time itself!

OUR GOD IS GREATER!

and it's about time I treat Him like it. I'm no longer putting my God in a little box with the little actions I think He will take in my life. I'm no longer expecting nothing to happen in my life because I KNOW I serve a living God who is greater than my imagination tenfold could ever dream!

And my God wants to be an active part of my life...and my God can't doesn't want to be a small part. He wants to be my everything! And I know as I surrender everything to Him, He is going to take me on adventures that I can barely fathom!

I hope you'll step into the Big journey that God has planned for you, as I am!
It's exciting and worth every step. :)

Love and excitement,
Kate

My Husband :)

Robert is one of the best people I have ever met in this world. And yes, I guess I’m a little biased. But seriously, I am way blessed to have him as a partner in this journey.

I remember when we first got together and honestly he wasn’t that focused on God. I was always pushing the prayer and the devotions and most anything that related to God.

And I’m not saying this against Robert or trying to build myself up. Not at all.  You see, my entire life I had a hyperfocus on God. If I was to describe to you my perfect best friend the first thing I would say is that I want her to ALWAYS want to talk about God. Every conversation. All the time. This is because that’s how I am. I love God. I love God more than anything and more than anything I want to know where people are in life and what God’s doing in their life. That’s the main thing I’m interested in. It’s just my personality and who I’ve been my entire life.

And Robert, well He was a normal 15 year old boy living a normal to above average faith. He went on missions trips and he sincerely loved God.

I remember wanting Robert to be more focused on God and honestly to step up and be the leader in Christ I needed him to be. And there were times I was discouraged by it.

And honestly, it wasn't until this moment that I had thought about it in a long time. And it’s because I look at my husband, who just got done with 4 hours of God time and I’m inspired.

When I go to God time I want God to just speak to me right away. Don’t get me wrong I love my God time and I can deal with lengthy…as long as God is active during the lengthy. I can sit through long sermons…as long as I am getting something out of it (which is pretty often), but I have a hard time with patience and silence. I just get too excited.

Which is why I am in awe of my husband’s faith and diligence. Somewhere along this faith journey he naturally stepped up to be the leader that God has called him to be.

I couldn’t tell you the day, or what exactly changed. But I do know that Robert is obedient and I love him for it.

I love the partnership that we have in our faith journey together and I love walking beside Him on our path towards God and His plans for us. And I am in awe of the way God answers prayer even when we aren’t paying attention.

He is great! And he has blessed me with a great husband!

Love,

Kate

The new batch relationship!

Titus 3:7 "so that having been justified by His grace, we may become heirs with the hope of eternal life".

This is the goal that God wants for each and every single one of us. It's what He wants from me! You see this verse is part of a bigger passage: Titus 3:4-7. This passage talks about what God did for us when He died on the cross. It's about His sacrifice as Savior, so we can have relationship with God. It's about His desire for you and I to become heirs with Him!

It's about having the Holy Spirit and being in relationship with God! He wants us to be intimate with Him.

Which brings me to the second verse God brought me to: 1 Corinthians 5:8, "Therefore, let us observe the feast, not with old yeast, or with the yeast of malice and evil, but with the unleavened bread of sincerity and truth." With this verse, God was bringing me back to what He'd been teaching me. You see, everything He had me do, geting rid of my clothes and going in the river was an outward example of this.

It's a big symbol of the new relationship I have in Christ.

He wants us each to have this kind of relationship. The relationship that we have in Him because of what He did for us. It's no longer about religion or sacrifices, it's about a Holy relationship with our Heavenly Father!

It's about being with Christ so that everything in our life that does not line up with God is gone. He wants us to live a new life. Coming to the feasts (or times when we celebrate the Father) as a new person, living in the new relationship He paved the way for.

8/8/12

It's been another day at Brown City camp, which means it's been another day of growth and seeking God's presence.

Today's 10 am service finished up everything I needed to learn in relation to the mental breakdown I had.

The speaker talked about not being afraid of being like Christ. And this message began to touch my soul as He began to reaffirm that it's about being in love with God -not focused on doing.

Once again, I learned that if I am focused on Christ, EVERYTHING will fall into place in my life. God will change in me the things He wants changed in His timing.

It's all sooo great! I don't have to "do" anything -except love God! and let God define love! He gets the hard wrok. Everything I become will be because of Him. Everything I "do" will be because of Him. Not me!

Now I'm full of peace & excitement (yes they can go together) as I am focused on loving God with my entire being!

with love and peace,
Kate